Looking for victory

Because I violated my own soul
with false humility when I was a boy,
because later when violence stupified me
I read about politics and meditated on murder,
I have lost my language
and the sensitivity of my limbs,
I can't enter a bar or a restaurant
and tear the syntax loose
from these horrible conversations,
I can't boil the air with my eyes
or make the carbonations sing with eternal life,
and I have nothing to say to the woman
I have fallen in love with.
All my purity is gone;
yet I will love her even
if she falls into debt,
if she worships mediocrity,
if she is promiscuous,
if she throws tantrums
and smashes glasses
against her kitchen walls
and weeps with shame
in front of the embarassed police.
I will love her.
I will love her even if she dies, and so
nothing can remove her from me.
And I can't do anything.